Last week it finally happened to me, the first time: my photographs hanging on a wall, vulnerably exposing themselves to curious eyes. It was awfully frightening and wonderfully inspiring at the very same time. Thank goodness it was a group show so the attention was nicely, cozily shared and many, many of my friends showed up turning the whole evening from manageable into something fascinating. Now I cannot wait to have the next one. Anyone willing to throw an exposition for me?
Anyways, what I am planing to blog about is nervousness. Not the kind pushing you ahead but the crippling one, keeping you back from achieving whatever. We may call it inhibition (should definitely be used in plural), an inner urge to prove ourselves (to whomever we think we are doing things for) or perfectionism; we can blame it on our parents, our first teacher(s) – but if we are being completely honest it’s just an excuse, nothing more.
It’s not that I cannot handle criticism. [I know exactly which one of you is shaking his head right now in strong disagreement.] Nevertheless putting myself (pictures taken by me) out there is not an easy task. Do you ever have dreams where you are all of a sudden (almost) naked in public? That’s quite much how it feels like. Those photographs are like my children. They might not be perfect but they are mine. Fragments of my being. Confessions, in a sense. Stuff you don’t really want to show just to anyone.
Virtual galleries are somehow different. There is that “distance” there, between you (your pictures) and the viewer. It’s a lot like online dating: it’s so much easier to approach someone on the internet…
My point is: last week I was far out of my comfort zone like I had not been for a long, long time. (Avoiding “risky” situations is definitely one of my fortes.) And you know what? It felt good.
Dedicated to my phenomenal friends making sure life not simply passes by but happens to me.